Off Work

One of the gifts of cancer is I get to go off work on a medical leave of absence, a subsidized 6 month vacation from work.  I’m enjoying this week of it…my energy is better and I have several more days before I get round 2 of chemo.  I’m training my dogs, visiting friends and family and enjoying the new AC the loved one installed….

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The “C” card

When you play this one, all is forgiven, everything is good, all is listened to just because you have cancer.  I had started just dropping it into conversations as my way of processing my diagnosis.  People in a hurry are now listening to me more.  They are laughing at stories that really aren’t that funny, humoring me with a little more attention.  When you drop the “C” card most people are sorry and listen to your tale, offer help and sometimes a story of a friend who had something just like what I have.  While I was away from the house yesterday the loved one said the contractor from our remodel last year stopped by.  He asked how I was and when he said I had cancer the guy seemed uncomfortable and left quickly.

Upside of cancer and chemo

This has been a tough one too…It has gotten me to rethink some things and set some goals I might not have otherwise.  Goals for during chemo and goals for when I am in remission.  I am deeply grateful for all the support I have received from family and friends who I hope realize I’m not really brave or courageous as they say. I’m just living my life…as Marie-Laure was in All the Light you Cannot see. I got cancer and now I have to figure out how to have a life while I’m in treatment and hopefully when I go into remission. Mostly I’m hoping I have more energy tomorrow than today…

1st cycle of chemo down

I had a one hr infusion of Bendamustine on Tuesday and Wednesday. These were preceded by an anti nausea drug both days and a steroid the first day.  I will go 2 days every 28 days for 6 months. The loved one came the first time and stayed with his eyes dilated the whole time, asking multiple questions including should I go to the bathroom alone.  The second day I had him drop me off and a friend picked me up.

They will add another drug that has a 6hr infusion rate next time. I feel fine now the dosing is cumulative so it remains to be seen how I will feel throughout. I had one conversation with one other patient there who put my disease in total perspective.  I do have a hangnail as far as cancer is concerned….