Off Work

One of the gifts of cancer is I get to go off work on a medical leave of absence, a subsidized 6 month vacation from work.  I’m enjoying this week of it…my energy is better and I have several more days before I get round 2 of chemo.  I’m training my dogs, visiting friends and family and enjoying the new AC the loved one installed….


The “C” card

When you play this one, all is forgiven, everything is good, all is listened to just because you have cancer.  I had started just dropping it into conversations as my way of processing my diagnosis.  People in a hurry are now listening to me more.  They are laughing at stories that really aren’t that funny, humoring me with a little more attention.  When you drop the “C” card most people are sorry and listen to your tale, offer help and sometimes a story of a friend who had something just like what I have.  While I was away from the house yesterday the loved one said the contractor from our remodel last year stopped by.  He asked how I was and when he said I had cancer the guy seemed uncomfortable and left quickly.

Upside of cancer and chemo

This has been a tough one too…It has gotten me to rethink some things and set some goals I might not have otherwise.  Goals for during chemo and goals for when I am in remission.  I am deeply grateful for all the support I have received from family and friends who I hope realize I’m not really brave or courageous as they say. I’m just living my life…as Marie-Laure was in All the Light you Cannot see. I got cancer and now I have to figure out how to have a life while I’m in treatment and hopefully when I go into remission. Mostly I’m hoping I have more energy tomorrow than today…

1st cycle of chemo down

I had a one hr infusion of Bendamustine on Tuesday and Wednesday. These were preceded by an anti nausea drug both days and a steroid the first day.  I will go 2 days every 28 days for 6 months. The loved one came the first time and stayed with his eyes dilated the whole time, asking multiple questions including should I go to the bathroom alone.  The second day I had him drop me off and a friend picked me up.

They will add another drug that has a 6hr infusion rate next time. I feel fine now the dosing is cumulative so it remains to be seen how I will feel throughout. I had one conversation with one other patient there who put my disease in total perspective.  I do have a hangnail as far as cancer is concerned….